Yuka discusses reentering the world following a six year long period of fear-based isolation.
January 16, 2026
Hi,
I’ve been gone for a while. In fact, I wish I could have been gone for much longer. I’m not sure I want to be out here. I’ll admit, it feels much easier to hide in a tiny studio apartment and look at pretty albeit fake photos on my phone than it does to step outside and be seen by real people.
Pain is truly isolating. The truth is, I never wanted to be alone. I simply learned that there is safety in solitude. When I am alone, I won’t be yelled at, criticized, or made fun of. When I am alone, I don’t have to constantly be in a performance that doesn’t yield an Oscar and a 7 figure salary. When I am alone, I can express my thoughts and feelings without bracing to defend every word. This is why I’ve stayed hidden. This is why I quit writing. It’s easier to dodge rejection and humiliation if you do nothing to begin with, right? After all, the bed cradles you like a baby and keeps you warm when the world is too cold. People can’t hurt you if they’re behind a screen. Nobody can shame you for asking questions if you ask them to an AI chatbot that is programmed to give you the information that you want in a gentle way that doesn’t make you feel like the most brainless individual on planet Earth for not knowing one insignificant piece of information upfront. Who wouldn’t want to stay in a cocoon these days?
Except, that’s the problem. I felt like I was rotting away by staying in that tiny room and staring at artificial light coming from a tiny rectangle day and night. I can’t fully put into words what it was doing to me. I felt like a character in a science fiction movie where the powers above put us all to sleep to strip us of our intellect, but I never went fully under. I’ve been sitting in isolation the past 6 years, losing my mind little by little, and feeling the excruciating pain of every moment of it. I’ve slowly become dumber, weaker, and more helpless. I felt like my fear of this world was valid enough to stop me from living my life, but the universe continued to supply my existence.
I felt like I didn’t deserve my life.
Now, it feels like everything has changed, but also nothing has changed. I’m still in this tiny room struggling to make ends meet and spending way too much time scrolling social media. At the same time, though, I’m reading more and watching less. I’m occasionally moving my body, choking down what little vegetables I can tolerate from time to time, and gravitating toward silence over noise. I am more aware of who I am and what I want out of life. I’m becoming less concerned with the things that don’t matter.
As I look toward the future, I am met with a bit of nervous hope. What now? Where am I heading? Who will I meet? Will posting this even matter? Then again, who is stopping me? I may not be real, but my feelings are. Surely, my experience is too.
Here I am.
My name is Ishimura Yuka. I am from a place called Hidoroshi. Now, I am stepping outside for the first time since my world was shattered. I have almost forgotten what is out here, but I will be back to show you what I find.
My name is Ishimura Yuka. I am from a place called Hidoroshi. Now, I am stepping outside for the first time since my world was shattered. I have almost forgotten what is out here, but I will be back to show you what I find.
Until then, drink your water, and find something to laugh about.
Yours,
Yuka 🌸
Shasta Kito 